BOOK NOTES

“Your life, writes Brooks, is the most important management task you will ever undertake….and if you treat it the way a great entrepreneur treats an exciting start up enterprise, it will be happier, more meaningful, and more successful.” Leadership over your life is critical because you are the most important employee. Remember your grandmother was right. Money doesn’t buy happiness nor does fame, power, pleasure, or prestige.

Humans get satisfaction, according to Brooks, from making progress toward a destination, not actually arriving at it. The progress principle requires that you have direction and purpose in your work and life. The author offers a series of essays grounded in research to raise your understanding of happiness with practical applications. He mostly invites the reader to think about these concepts and understand them before applying the life lessons.

MANAGING YOURSELF

It’s hard to shake the kind of failure where you did your best and it wasn’t good enough. Perhaps a game or something important to your identity—one that sent you spiraling into self-doubt. Maybe a failed relationship. Brooks advises that brooding over a defeat often leads to avoidance and reluctance to try again. What should you do? Here are three strategies:

(1) Professionals who treat those with fear know that exposure to the object of fear can make it seem more ordinary and less fearful. Dr. M. Lin, a professor of cognitive studies at Columbia, has long studied the inevitable failures of scientists, athletes, and ordinary people. Studying failures of others motivates students to better handle their own defeats. Studying your own failures makes them less earth shattering.

(2) Chasing success is a mistake. Instead, think of improvement and learning. Failure can be a powerful force for improvement. Studies at NIH found that people who had been narrowly rejected in their early years of careers went on to outperform those who enjoyed early success.

(3) Worthy goals are often motivated by things deeper than success. Focus on your core values—why you took risks in the first place. No matter who you are, failure will find you. The question becomes, how will you use it?

JOBS, MONEY, AND BUILDING YOUR CAREER

Monster.com revealed 96% of American workers were looking for a new job at the end of 2022. About 30% changed jobs leaving many to stay put with the “devil they know”. Studies suggest people who change jobs increase happiness when they switch jobs. Six months later, their happiness was closer to the feeling they had from the job they left. Should you never change then?

Job changers who were happier people were more adaptable. Having support and a positive attitude about the future is the best predictor of job changing adaptability. People who changed jobs and “jumped” on their own volition tended to be happier than those who were pushed out of their jobs. A key point is this: the happier you are outside of work, the more likely you will feel happier at work.

When you evaluate opportunities for other jobs, consider these three feelings: excitement, fear, and deadness. Excitement is seeing joy in the future with this job. Fear can be danger which is feeling a challenge of difficulty but doable. If your fear is dread, that is boredom. Deadness is emptiness. The way to think about good job choices is to find those that bring a lot of excitement, a little fear of danger, and close to zero in deadness. Your head, and according to researchers, your gut will steer you in the right direction.

COMMUNICATING AND CONNECTING WITH OTHERS

Let’s start with criticism which often leads to unhappiness. It’s hard to accept because of the way our brain processes it. No matter how it is presented, we tend to personalize it. We either analyze the critic or consider the criticism as judgement on our abilities, rather than our performance. Criticism can be a gift—if—it is respectfully delivered, is well intentioned, offers a pathway to improvement, targets the recipient’s need, and cares about the recipient. And research supports the adage—praise in public, criticize in private.

Is there a proper ratio of compliments to criticisms? Researchers found on highest performing corporate teams that members gave 5.6 compliments for every criticism. Low performing teams had 2.8 criticisms per compliment. In another study, the Guttmann Institute reported happy couples had a magic ratio of 5:1 positive to negative interactions. Compliments seem to work best when given by someone with the credibility to give them, are sincere and unscripted, and occur in the right context. Lastly, make the compliment with nothing expected in return!

BALANCING WORK, LIFE, AND RELATIONSHIPS

Carl Jung, world famous psychologist, believed making progress toward happiness was built on five pillars. What are the pillars? (1) good physical and mental health (2) good personal and intimate relationships (3) seeing beauty in art and nature (4) reasonable standard of living and satisfactory work (5) having a philosophical or religious outlook that fosters resilience There are caveats to all of these, but his pillars stand up to modern research findings today.

Many folks worry most about their parenting. We want our kids to be good and happy people. Wanting this is not enough. Studies have shown repeatedly that a huge amount of one’s personality is biological and inherited. What about parenting does matter? Parental warmth and affection. Kids also see what you DO. If virtues and happiness for your kids matter, Brooks suggests being warm and loving and be the person you want your kids to become.

Brooks also adds a top ten list from experts on happiness. I’ll share a few from his list—on top is to invest in family and friends! Act nicely and get physical exercise. His #10 is socialize with colleagues outside of work. You don’t have to leave your happiness to chance.

DEFINING SUCCESS

If you place your happiness in the attainment of goals—especially far off ones—you set yourself up for disappointment. Progress is what brings happiness. In a study of employees at work, Steven Kramer found satisfaction was brought by moving forward in meaningful work, not big, audacious wins.

Frequent small achievements tend to start a cycle of success and happiness more than infrequent big ones. Also, don’t miss the beauty of your present by cherishing moments of your past. And—a little danger can contribute to happiness as long as the bulls you run with envision bravery not recklessness.

Here’s a sobering fact from the Harvard Business Review: 50 to 70% of new executives in private business fail in their role within 18 months of being hired. Why? Common answers include inability to build a team, poor communication, misconduct, selfishness, etc. Brooks offers this sage piece of advice to avoid this: Leaders fail when they hate being the leader! Leadership doesn’t cause increased satisfaction. Becoming it…making progress towards it might.

A FINAL THOUGHT

Most people want success and happiness from their jobs. START BY WORKING ON YOUR HAPPINESS which will enhance your success. Don’t chase success. But you also don’t find happiness by forgoing it. Don’t starve yourself. Your odds of success will increase if you eat!

Publisher: Harvsrd Business Review Press, New York City, NY, 2025