BOOK NOTES

For many years, whenever a company hired a CEO or senior executive, they looked for technical experience, superior financial management, or A+ administrative skills. That shift has changed as now top leaders must have strong social skills—be good with people. Authors reviewed data from Reynolds Associates—a premier executive search firm—found clear validation of this premise. The productivity of complex organizations often resides in communication where social skills remain paramount. Beginning in the early 2000’s, job descriptions have been increasingly mentioning strength in social skills.

The growing interest in social skills is also driven by the automation of information and senior leaders as public figures who must communicate with a variety of stakeholders. Today, companies are trying to determine the best ways to assess and improve one’s social skills. The importance of these skills remains today’s “right stuff” for successful leaders.

EMPATHY AND FOCUS

A primary task of leadership is to direct attention. The buckets you must pay attention to include yourself, others, and the wider world. This is your triad of awareness according to Dan Goldman. It helps to be the same person to yourself as you are to others.

Decades of research confirm the value of willpower to leadership success. It goes back to the truth from Walter Mischel’s famous “marshmallow test” with small children. They were given a marshmallow to eat or if you resisted, you would get two marshmallows 15 minutes later. Years later, when the children were tracked down in their 30’s and 40’s, those that had the cognitive control to resist were significantly healthier, more successful financially, and more law abiding. A child’s level of self-control is a powerful predictor of financial success—more than IQ, social class, or family circumstance.

Focused leaders command the full range of their attention. They are in touch with their feelings, control their impulses, are aware of how others see them, understand what others need from them, and can weed out distractions. What about empathy? Empathetic workplaces enjoy greater collaboration, less stress, and greater morale.

SELLING YOUR IDEAS UP

Despite the call for bottom-up innovation, many workers still feel inhibited in giving bosses suggestions or feedback. Let’s connect that back to social skills. By the time you propose a new idea to higher ups you will have laid the groundwork by building trust and goodwill. In fact, two things stand out when making a successful pitch—having confidence to make your suggestion and framing it to get the best reception from your boss. Approach your manager privately and try linking your suggestions to previously stated company goals or communications.

Managers are more likely to embrace messages that focus on opportunity or threats—but not both. Make your pitch a promotion or prevention. Tailoring it to the manager’s personality increases the likelihood of acceptance. Other strategies to consider is the actual implementation of the ideas…make it easy. Or as a friend of mine likes to say…give them a layup. Reach out and leverage colleagues to join you.

CHANGE HOW YOU LISTEN AND COACH

Our brain takes .07 seconds to form an impression of another person’s intent. How we choose to listen to others enables us to influence our own neurochemical reaction in our brain. We typically listen to protect, accept, reject, or co-create. Author Manbir Kaur suggests 4 tips to develop better listening habits.

(1) Join with the right intention….really listen to what they are saying

(2) Use both head and heart….pay attention to their what and why

(3) Put yourself in the other person’s shoes…listen with empathy and compassion

(4) Show that you’re engaged…ask open ended questions and offer full attention

Instead of doling out advice, a good coach will ask exploratory questions, open ended questions and listen with genuine care and concern. This often continues with the discovery of their ideal self. Ask who are you at your very best? What kind of leader do you want to be? How do you want others to see you? Coaches often encourage people to write a personal vision statement.

Coaches often encourage folks to get 360 feedback. It was Carnegie that noted that men are developed the same way gold is mined. Several tons of dirt must be removed to get an ounce of gold, but you go to the mine looking for gold, not dirt. Learning and growing is not a solo act. It requires others to challenge and support you too.

Peter Drucker asked, “What do you want to be remembered for?” Author Clay Christensen in discussing how one measures their life focused on “individual people whose lives I’ve touched.” Find your own moral right fit.

Finally, when considering important choices you make think about these three tests:

(1) The publicity test…having your choice and the rationale behind it on the front page

(2) The generalizability test…would you want your choice serving as a precedent for people facing similar circumstances?

(3) The mirror test…would you like the person you see afterwards? Is it the one you want to be?

Publisher: Harvard Business Review Press, New York City, NY, 2024